5 Fashion Faux Pas Men Should Never Make
Most of my friends are women. Guys are nice to hang around with when you’re watching a ball game or telling lies, but if you want the juicy gossip and the truth you need to have friends that are girls. One thing I have found out about the ladies is this; nobody gets a hall pass when it comes to fashion. It doesn’t matter if you’re a teenager or an octogenarian, you better come dressed to impress or be prepared to suffer the slings and arrows of honest commentary. Fellows I am not making light of our fashion sense; I am only relating it to you from a female point of view as told to me. If you want to impress the girls you better not be seen wearing any of these items in public, private or any place where there is enough light for the eyes to see you.
Fingerless Gloves – You can say they are for driving, you can say they are for the gym, you can say they are removing road kill from the interstate highway system, it doesn’t matter. Ladies do not understand them. The only man to ever get away with wearing the fingerless gloves is Michael Jackson. You are not him. I wouldn’t wear gloves at all unless you are digging a ditch, working with hand tools or washing the dishes. Trust me, a lady will love anything you wear if you are washing her dishes.
Visors– Picture South Carolina Football Coach Steve Spurrier and what comes to mind? If your first thought was douche-canoe then guess what, that is what every woman in America will be thinking about you if you are caught with your head sticking out of a visor. Visors are for old women at the casino and men who aren’t quite awkward enough to wear a beret. If you’re going with the head cover make it a ball cap or even better a Stetson. Just don’t wear the straw hat after Labor Day, you might offend the fashion sense of your horse.
Capri Pants– This is just disturbing. Several years ago when I was traveling in Northern Europe I saw a lot of men wearing what looked like to be Capri pants. I thought to myself, “Good Lord , Please don’t let this trend come to my country”. Well it has and it is wrong. Capri pants are for women. Women with sexy calves and slender ankles and really nicely painted toes, not for hairy legged men who are fans of Anderson Cooper. Just wear shorts if you are going to try and beat the heat.
Zip Off Pants– Men your pants should have one zipper and that zipper should be at fly level. Any other zippers do not need to be on your pants. I understand the desire to change from long pants to short pants, but this is not the way to accomplish that. Real men would just go with short pants if given the option. To the ladies this makes you come across as unable to decide on things. Ladies like men who can make up their minds, especially when it comes to pants.
Thongs– I am not talking about the sandal like shoes here fellows. I am talking about butt floss. Thongs on men are like toothpaste on a steak, it just shouldn’t be allowed to happen. If you are Magic Mike perhaps you can get away with a thong for a few moments but if you don’t have a body built for taking dollar tips and buttocks that can crack a walnut leave the thong alone.
There were some other dishonorable mentions we wanted to share with you, the Bolo tie, the Bow tie, the Dickie and those God Awful skull and crossbones t-shirts that make you look like a bad advertisement for a Disney movie. I personally stick to the gym shorts and the t-shirts. You’re probably thinking “well how does that work for you Bruce?”. For the answer, read the first line of this story.