5 Gift Ideas Your Man Doesn’t Want
Ladies you have asked this question a million times of the men in your life. “What do you want for (insert gift giving opportunity here) ? A million times you’ve gotten the same answer, “Nothing”. Your man is not giving you false information. Men as a species do not want things. We see things we want and we go get them. That leaves only things you think we want available for gift giving time. I know your heart is in the right place and I know you want to see us smile so I am going to tell you 5 gifts to leave on the shelf this holiday season.
A Flask– You think, “how cool and sophisticated”, we think “great she realizes I have a drinking problem“. Real men do not drink from a flask. That only happens in movies. Real mean drink from bottles, cans and red solo cups. We would rather our name be written in Sharpie than engraved in some “Things Remembered” piece of tin.
A Mug with a Witty Saying– We use coffee mugs to drink coffee not be amused by them. Most men if they use a mug have one mug that they have used for years. They will continue to use that mug until it breaks or becomes to encrusted with coffee residue to hold anymore liquid. Under no circumstances should a man be given a photo mug. Unless it is a picture of his hunting dawg or favorite sports figure. The last thing he wants to be reminded of in the morning is that he has a family to support, so keep the cute pictures of the kids confined to Facebook.
Cologne/Aftershave-Most men develop their scent about the time they realize that deodorant is necessary. For most men, the smell of their deodorant is all the scent they need. I don’t care what celebrity pitches it, or if angels fall from the heavens because of it, real men don’t want to smell like anything other than barbeque smoke, doe urine, football leather or car parts. Use the perfume on you, we like it better when you smell pretty anyway.
Word-A-Day Calendars– We like our calendars laid out a month at a time. We like to see all the days right there together without any witty commentary on how we should be feeling. It is preferred that these calendars feature a pretty girl wearing not much more than a tool belt and a smile and holding a can or bottle of our favorite beverage. We are simple creatures, we like simple things. We don’t want to be forced to read everyday! Besides who can remember to pull the pages off the darn daily calendars anyway?
Novelty Underpants– Uh no…just NO… I mean really no. It is true that we do like watching Spongebob and the Simpsons. It is true that we have a lot of Star Wars toys. Just because we have an interest in these topics doesn’t mean we want to wear them under our jeans. Sure they could be fun to wear around the house if we have plans on…you know. Otherwise they will just take up space in the sock drawer next to the flask you got us two Christmases ago.
So now that I have burst your bubble about what to get us this holiday season, please allow me to blow some air back into your tires. We are simple creatures don’t over think our needs. We like steak, we like booze, we like sports and we’d like for you to be with us while we enjoy those things. So how about a gift certificate to a steakhouse and tickets to a game?