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5 People Who Make Me Glad There Is A Mute Button On My TV [Opinion]

We all have different tastes and we all have different likes and dislikes. That is why they make more than one flavor of NyQuil.  I also believe that this is why they put a mute button on all of our television remote controls.

I want to make one thing perfectly clear, I have a lot of respect for the people I am about to include on my list. They obviously have some talent or personality trait they made them get noticed. I applaud them for that. I am simply saying their voices are the fingernails on the chalkboard of my conscious being. You might have your own list of people that you’d like to silence. Hell, I might be number one on your list! If I am, thank you for remembering my name.


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1

Chris Collingsworth

 
 

When legendary coach John Madden stepped down from the broadcast booth, NBC needed an expert color commentator to replace him. There were obviously no qualified candidates available, so NBC decided to go with Chris Collingsworth. Collingsworth played in the NFL, and I liked him better when he was dropping passes for the Bengals instead of spewing verbal feces on the Sunday Night NFL game. I am not saying the man doesn't know football. I have never been able to watch him long enough to find that out. I just know he is the static cling in my boxers on a cold winter's day and I find his broadcasts to be much more entertaining when the sound is muted.

 
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2

Jenny McCarthy

 
 

It was very difficult for me to stomach Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve this year. Ryan Seacrest was his normal dorky American Idol self, but the addition of the blonde bimbo from The View made me wish for firecrackers in my ears.

What exactly is she famous for? Okay, she's blonde, flirty and apparently talented at something. Speaking above a 5th grade level is apparently out of her skill set. I get that she wants to be on the cutting edge of the conversation, but even with with addition of "smart chick" glasses Jenny just misses the mark with me.

 
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3

Nancy Grace

 
 

Ms. Grace is an esteemed student of the law. I believe in her heart she really wants to help people who have been wronged. If she really wanted to help me she would get off of my television.

Do you think she looks like a bird of some kind? The way her hair sweeps back and her face is chiseled to a retina scratching point just makes me want to turn away from the TV screen. If the sometimes unwashed, uncombed, unkempt mop of hairdo weren't enough, the moment she opens her mouth it gets worse. I am sure she is making a valid point with her learned opinion, but her words and her voracity and her condescending tone make me want to forgo basic cable for the rest of my adult life.

 
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4

Dick Vitale

 
 

Here is a very learned man. He knows a lot about the game of basketball. The only other time I can recall being in more pain than when I hear his voice is when I remember the time I reached for a baby wipe to clean my butt and mistakenly grabbed a Clorox Clean-Up sheet. This man's voice, his inflection, his tired and worn out cliches and catch phrases have been the solitary reason I won't watch ESPN between football season and March Madness. I hope some day Mr. Vitale lives out his fantasy to have a play date with the head coach at Duke.

 
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5

Bobby Flay

 
 

I have been to the man's restaurants. He is one hell of a chef. Even with his culinary talents he can't make the words that come out of his mouth seem palatable to my ears.

Mr. Flay would be the guy everyone would want to come to their dinner party to cook. He would also be the one every one would love to see leave the party early. He's so shot in the butt with himself that he must take booster shots of ego between television tapings.

I used to like watching Bobby cook when he was just a guy who shared a love of food very similar to my own. Now he is a star and I guess feels obligate to make sure everyone knows that he is.

 

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