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I Finally Found Someone To Oppress Me – Bruce Rants [Opinion]

Bruce Mikells
Secret Spy Cam Photo

A few weeks ago I wrote a piece about oppression and prejudice, and basically how as a white male I have never experienced being treated less than human just for being the human I was. That has all changed now. I can officially say I have been oppressed, but for reasons that have nothing to do with my genitals, skin color, ethnic or religious heritage, or even my great disdain for yogurt-that-makes-you-poop commercials. I am being oppressed because of the way I earn my living.

You’re probably thinking, What?!? “A highly paid celebrity radio announcer oppressed because he’s on the radio?”

It’s all true my friends, well, all true but the highly paid celebrity part. I am being oppressed and discriminated against because I earn my living as a member of the media. Who are these heinous people who obviously have a total disregard for God, The Constitution, Monty Hall, Billy Mays, and the American Way of Life? It’s your telephone political poll solicitors, that’s who!

In this rather heated political climate of United States Senate races, District Attorney races and races for offices that I don’t know what their running for, the pollsters are out there ringing my phone. They tell me they want three minutes, five minutes, ten minutes of my time, and I am happy to oblige until they ask the first question.

“Do you or anyone in your household work for a newspaper, radio station or television station or an advertising agency?”

Hold the phone and shut the front door! Why does that matter regarding my opinion concerning your stupid, silly candidate? Just because I work in the information business, does that invalidate my opinion? I guess it does and I can tell you why.

Political polls are paid for by politicians. Politicians do not want to pay for polls that reflect them in a bad light. Media people tend to be overly informed on the issues and have a better understanding of what the issues really are. Politicians hate it when the electorate is informed. It screws up their ability to pull the wool over our eyes.

So, now I know what it feels like to be oppressed. If I want to give my opinion on Mary Landrieu or Bill Cassidy or Rob Maness, I have to lie! If I want to share my thoughts on Mike Harson or Keith Stutes I have to lie! If I want to tell Joey Durel to legalize pot and grow it at The Horse Farm for money to build a roundabout at E. Broussard and Kaliste Saloom, I have to lie!

Why must my moral fiber be tested by these opinion seeking oppressors locked away in call centers based in third-world hell holes like Tampa, Florida and North Carolina? I guess it’s because in America you can’t be an American unless somebody is oppressing you.

Our country was founded by people who were pissed off at other people and then we came over here and started doing the same darn thing to each other. It’s a vicious circle made even easier to procreate by modern technology. So strike up the protest songs, the man is keeping this brother down. Oh, wait a minute, I always lie to telephone pollsters so if you hear that 1% of voters think Mary Landrieu looks good in pantsuits and that Bill Cassidy should grow a third eye, that was me. I lied to make sure I got in on that survey.

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