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What’s Not To Love About Cold Weather? According To Bruce, A Lot Of Things

I should move to Jamaica. I like it warm and humid all the time. Most of the time we have the humidity but we don’t always have the warmth. That means making an adjustment on my part and I don’t like change. I wear gym shorts and t-shirts to work everyday. You should be so lucky. Colder weather makes this choice of wardrobe a little difficult to explain in addition to the fact that it makes me really uncomfortable to be cold.  Let me give you my list of things not to love about the cold.

 

spark
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Static Shocks- They always seem to happen during colder weather, why is it? I think it has something to do with our heating systems drying out the air. We also wear a lot of strange fabrics to keep us warm when it gets cold. The combination of low humidity, strange fabrics and my electric personality usually leads to some rather painful discharges. I should say painful discharges of electricity. There is nothing worse than moving in for a romantic kiss only to feel your lips recoiling in pain from a static shock kiss. Okay there is one thing worse and it involves accidentally bumping your nipple on a microphone.

 

 

coats
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What to do with the coat?- Heavy coats are nice when you are outside, but most of us eventually go inside, and there is where the problems start. Most homes are heated to same temperature as Easy Bake Ovens. That means wearing your coat inside, besides being rude, will make you sweat. You don’t want to be rude and you don’t want to smell like hot dog water either. You take off your coat and then try to find a place to put it. Most people don’t have coat racks so you hang your coat on a chair. Unless someone needs to sit in that chair. If you’re in the movies or on a plane, you have to carry the darn thing in your lap and that creates a hot spot in your lap. Coats are pure evil.

 

 

static hair
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Bad Hair- This relates to the static electricity thing. It is only painful to those who don’t wear hats. Static electricity will make even a supermodel look like the Bride of Frankenstein. No matter how hard or how often your brush your hair, it is going to stand straight up and repel it’s like charged follicles. I think you can solve static hair rather easily, I would just as soon not have to worry about it at all. This doesn’t happen when there is a heat index in the 90′s.

 

 

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Waiting for the windshield to clear- As I mentioned I wear shorts to work and it is no fun waiting for the car heater to get warm enough to clear the fog and ice off of the windshield. Most of the time it isn’t ice, but a persistent fog that clouds my view of the road. At least with ice you can scrape a port hole big enough to see through. Driving with a limited view can not only be dangerous to the driver but pedestrians and parked cars might pay the price. And the colder weather is to blame for it all.

 

 

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That awful heater smell-This usually occurs during the first onslaught of colder temperatures as the heater begins to warm up the house. The experts say it is simply the furnace burning some of the dust that has collected in and around the heat source. How much dust do I have in my house? Why does it smell like a roasted version of wet dog? Why does it take until Mid February for me to burn the stink out of my furnace? Give me the cool refreshing feel of ice cold air conditioner air any day.

 

 

 

 

Those are just some of the many things I dislike about cold weather. I know it is good for gumbo, football and catching the flu so I can at least see your side of the argument if you disagree with me.

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