5 Of The Worst Jobs We’ve Ever Heard Of
As you contemplate all that is not so good with your job this Labor Day we remind you that it could be worse. According to surveys less than 20% of Americans are actually satisfied with their jobs. I would be willing to bet the more accurate statement would be less than 20% of Americans are satisfied with their paycheck. Still chances are no matter what you do for a living it could always be worse.
Fart Smeller: There are actually people that get paid to compare the odorous expulsions of other people’s butts. A researcher in Minneapolis actually paid people to judge farts for a paycheck. Honorable mention for a worst job, Fart Donator. In order to have your flatulence collected it was required that you eat pinto beans and shove a plastic collection tube into your anus. I guess that office manager gig doesn’t sound so bad does it?
Cat Food Quality Control: How do they know it’s the flavor cats really crave? Obviously some poor soul had to test it and confirm the fact that it was delicious. No, he didn’t have to eat it but the cat food quality control man must really immerse himself in his job. Part of the job involves smelling the cat food. I would think the perfect candidate for this job would be someone with no gag reflex. Another part of the gig involves reaching deep into vats of cat food and feeling for bits of bone, gristle, mouse parts or other foreign objects. The third part of the job includes taste testing the mouthwatering morsels. Okay I’m kidding he doesn’t have to actually eat the cat food but he does have to get intimately personal with it.
Animal Insemination: That’s right it would be your job to help cows, horses, and other animals do what might be called the wild thing. I know it’s tough enough getting your spouse in the mood. Imagine having to get a two ton cow ready for a roll in the hay. Since animals don’t always have a Luke Bryan CD in the barn to get them in the mood it is the job of the “helper”, that would be you, to get the boy stuff next to the girl stuff so baby animals can be created. Quite often that involves long rubber gloves and some rather unpleasant visual and nasal impressions. I won’t even go into the methodology of how one collects the specimen material that is used in the transplant. I can only imagine in horses that use pictures of Sarah Jessica Parker to help the process along.
Porta-Potty Sanitation Engineer: How many times have you stepped into a portable restroom at a fair or festival and thought,” dang, this sure is a place I want to stay awhile”. That has never happened and it will never happen because people are naturally messy and when they are drunk they are even worse. All of this mess manifest and festers inside the sun plastic oven that is a porta-potty. Somebody has to make this necessary evils clean enough for use the next time and that somebody could be you. I am sure there is a method for taking the inside of these modern day outhouses and sanitizing them without actually having to touch them. My fear would be an accidental spill. They don’t make a haz-mat suit big enough, strong enough or protective enough for me to want this job.
Bathroom Attendant: Your job is to stay in the one room that nobody wants to stay in for too long. I never liked going to restrooms that had a guy there to help. Using the bathroom is my private and quiet time and when it is at a public place I want that time to pass quickly without any social interaction what so ever. Still it is somebody’s job to stand there in the fragrant atmosphere of the casino, steakhouse or bowling alley and offer me a towel or some cologne. You have to tip the guy, you can’t let a man stand in stench and not reward his effort with at least a buck. We all have our dignity but those that do that job must be able to check it at the door.
Some other jobs that could have made this list, President of the United States, Press Secretary to the President of the United States, Bourbon Street strip club janitor, summer time asphalt layer, bowling shoe rental return coordinator and sound man for Justin Bieber. Regardless I guess we should all be grateful for the gigs that we have and salute the men and women who at least go to work at something every day. Lord knows we have to do our job because those lazy sons of guns on government assistance are depending on us.