Bruce’s 5 Reasons Why a Fanny Pack Will Be Okay to Wear This Weekend
If you love festivals you have hit the mother lode this weekend. There is the big one, Festival International in Downtown Lafayette. The Etouffee Festival in Arnaudville and Cajun Woodstock in Church Point that are all worthy of your time and enjoyment. The problem with festivals is that you don’t always want to have to buy everything you will need for a good time. The ladies will tell you that lugging a purse around to any festival is just not any fun at all. The guys will tell you the warm weather shorts only have room for a wallet, the keys and the cellphone. What could be the solution? It is often maligned and besmirched but your key to salvation could be wrapped right around your waist. It is the Fanny Pack. Fanny packs have gotten some really bad press as of late. Mainly because there are legions of uncool people who use this wonderful hands free devices all the time. The fanny pack is not for everyday use. It is best used out of pure necessity, such as going to an all-day music festival. Here are some great items we suggest you put and keep in your fanny pack. Never mind the stares you will thank me for this wonderful suggestion later.
After spending most of the afternoon and a good part of the night slamming beer, mixed drinks, the occasional bottle of water and God only knows how many delicious festival food treats into your pie hole your breath is going to stink. Perhaps one of the bands will play a song you can slow dance to and after all that booze she might just give up a kiss. You don’t want her to be reminded of stale beer when she plants a lip lock on you. Those mints could set the stage for a very romantic end to your day at the festival if you play your cards correctly. Besides, carrying a roll of mints in a man’s front pocket on his shorts could create the illusion of something that no one really wants to see. Besides whom wants to think you are endowed similarly to a roll of Mentos?
You are going to be using your hands for everything at a festival. Everything from adjusting yourself in public to keep the sweat from pooling under your breasts to a more frightening hygiene issue involving a port-a-potty. Don’t forget you are also going to be eating with those hands too. Hand sanitizer fits great in a fanny pack. It doesn’t works so well in a pocket. Those cute little bottles may have locking lids but those lids can come open. Granted the thought of a cool refreshing blast in the pocket area of your persona might sound good, remember that stuff is mainly alcohol and will burn like fire in any open areas or on any sensitive body parts.
You might be thinking Bandits? You mean like the small pouches of smokeless tobacco that gives you all the great tobacco flavor without lighting up? No I mean bandits like the rubber bands with hooks on the end. Bandits allow you to strap things to your fanny pack. For example those fancy water bottles with the loop on the handle will work nicely on a bandit secured to your fanny pack. The bandits will also allow you to hook some of your bagged purchases to the belt on your fanny pack allowing you hands free enjoyment of beverages and food.
This could also be your regular sunglasses after the sun goes down. Let’s face it, everybody you see that you know at any festival is going to want to snap a photo of you to put on Facebook. Just think how dorky you will look with your shade perched high atop your sweaty, oily, dust filled hair. Put the sunglasses away in your fanny pack and you will have them for another time. They won’t fall off in the parking lot when you go to remove your hat or cap in the dark.
Sun screen trial sizes or wipes. You aren’t going to think about it while you are enjoying the music and are all lubricated on margaritas but the sun will get you. Even on a cloudy day you can get a really nice burn and since most of us wear a tank top, sleeveless or Larry The Cable Guy style cut off we are going to have some sun issues. These moistened sheets of salvation will take that lily white skin and keep it from becoming a bright red source of agony the next morning. If you have kids with you, you’ve got to have some sunscreen wipes. Besides there is nothing sexy about a spray on wife beater burned into your skin by 5 hours in the sun.