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Lies Girls Tell On First Dates

Bad news ladies, we're on to you.

For both males and females, first dates are all about misinformation and propaganda. We look at our date as a clean slate. A chance to convince them that we are a lot cooler and more interesting than we actually are. We all want to make a good impression and we're not going to let a silly little thing like the truth get in the way. From white lies to exaggerations, we toss reality aside and put our best foot forward.

Though the fellas may be just as guilty, we're going ladies first. So turn up your B.S. meter and get ready for some reality. This is Lies Girls Tell On First Dates.

 


1

Lie: We Never Fight

“I love my bff/sister/mom so much. We never fight. I don't know what I'd do without her.
 
 

Reality:

Guys, if you haven't figured it out by now it's time to learn. Women are at a constant state of war with their closest female counterpart. Generally, that counterpart will be revealed on the first date with the phrase, “I don't know what I'd do without her”. When you hear this phrase make the following mental note:

1. She loves this person more than anyone else in the world.

2. She talks more smack on this person than anyone else in the world.

You will be expected to say nice things (but not too nice) about this girl during nice time, and bad things (but not too bad) about this girl during smack talk time.

Warning: Get this backwards and you're going to have a bad time.

 
2

Lie: Television

“I don't ever watch TV, I don't even own a TV. I've never seen a TV. Like, I don't understand why people waste all their time watching it.”
 
 

Reality:

There exists a feminine code of honor that states that not watching TV makes you a more interesting person. If you've ever been lucky enough to witness a group of females arguing over who watches the least amount of TV you understand what I'm talking about. Maybe a busy person, and in my case when I didn't have cable a broke person, but interesting…not so much.

When you hear the phrase, “I don't watch TV”, understand that:

1. She's trying to impress you.

2. At some point in her life, she's been addicted to a terrible TV show like the rest of us.


 
3

Lie: Hey Jealousy

“I'm not really a jealous type of person. I'm just a laid back girl that goes with the flow.”
 
 

Reality.

Every girl says this. It's not true. Try dating the girl from Lie #1 and see how not jealous and laid back she is…

 
4

Lie: Sports

“I've been watching sports my whole life. I love sports.”
 
 

Reality: 

Here's the thing. She may very well love sports. It's just that her love of sports is a bit different from yours. She may love watching her team's games… when the conditions are right…and nothing else is going on, but she probably isn't going to be calling sports radio, or reading every sports article she can find. She may go to the game, but she probably won't want to standing out in the rain during a blowout while your team is being smashed. She probably wouldn't cry over the outcome of a fantasy football game, and she won't understand why you can't get up and get her a drink in the third inning of a no hitter.

Yes, she may “love” sports, but don't get too excited. It's a different kind of love.


 
5

Lie: The Radio

“I don't ever really listen to the radio. I like music that doesn't play on the radio. Local music and singer songwriter stuff.”
 
 

Reality

: Much like “I don't watch TV”, “I don't listen to the radio” is a badge of honor in the female code. It is used to make her seem more interesting, and very well may be true. She may rarely listen to the radio, and may have an eclectic musical taste, but don't let this fool you. When “Call Me Maybe” comes on in the bar and hipster girl is two drinks in…she'll scream every word like she's auditioning for American Idol.


 

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