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What Really Sucked About The 90′s?

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I am not a child of the 90′s, I am basically just a child that happens to occupy a slowly decaying physical body. I do remember the 90′s and having the maturity level of  a child, I enjoyed all the advancements in technology, gadgets and TV shows that most people who are in their mid 20′s and older remember.

One of the most suckable things about the decade that was the 90′s, ZIMA. Who in their right mind thought this was a good idea? I was a full blown alcoholic and I wouldn’t even drink ZIMA. I did try it. I did try to make it better. The best I could come up with was to take ZIMA and pour it in a cup with a frozen margarita. See I told you I was an alcoholic. It made it tolerable but not enjoyable.

The 90′s also ushered in the era of the politically correct. Do you remember when you could make an off handed remark and people would take it as just that, an off handed remark. There were no lawyers or protest or crying on the Phil Donahue show. The remark was an observation not a commandment of all things true. I think the reason  political correctness started to rear its ugly head in the 90′s is because that’s when the “ribbon for participation” babies started to grow up. You know the kids that got a ribbon just for showing up and not doing anything? We call them politicians today.

OOOOPS I was just politically incorrect, please sue me. I am an alcoholic I will plead disabled and you will have to give me a special parking place close to the bar.

Another little smidgen of hell that began to take hold during the 90′s was the gradual phase out of the toy in the cereal box. When I was a kid in the 70′s you’d dump out a whole box of Quisp or Quake or Franken Berry just to get the real life disappointing toy that was buried deep inside. In the 90′s cereal companies quit putting the toys in the boxes instead they made you collect box tops and then send those in to claim your just reward. When you are a kid 4-6 weeks for delivery is about how long it takes to drive to the moon or sit through the Lawrence Welk show at your Grandmother’s house.

The ghettofication of American youth began to take hold in the 90′s. When I worked at a news station in Dallas I got to visit the “ghetto” a lot. The ghetto was where all of your really cool crimes against decency always seemed to happen. For me to sit and see middle class white kids suddenly start acting as if they were from the downtown ZIP Codes of any large city in America was enough to make me cringe.

It’s not the first time this kind of thing happened, if you remember the TV show Good Times in the 70′s it was the whimsical day to day struggles of a hard working family stuck in Chicago’s Cabrini Green Housing projects. One of the most dangerous and deadly places in the world. We all walked around screaming DYNO-MITE and thought we were cool, skinny and black. We weren’t and neither were the kids who thought that baggy pants, twisted caps and really ugly jewelry made them cool.

However the one thing that really, really, really did I mention really? Sucked about the 90′s was this. Click this link and have your speakers turned up, I rest my case.

You might think the 90′s were the best decade ever and you are entitled to think that. If you do think that please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery of your participation ribbon. It will be delivered in a bottle of ZIMA or you can just use your 28k modem to download it from our site on Prodigy.

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