Over the next six to eight months the Port of New Orleans, the Port of Galveston, and the Port of Mobile will be sending cruise line guests from Louisiana and surrounding states off to many different adventures. If you sail from a Gulf Coast port it's a pretty fair bet you're going to wind up visiting at least one port in the Caribbean Sea.

Yash Mannepalli via Unsplash
Yash Mannepalli via Unsplash
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It's also a pretty safe bet that at some time onboard the cruise ship you will have a drink. For some, it might be coffee or tea but for most, it's that "demon alcohol" as my grandmother used to call it. Cruise lines make a lot of money selling thirsty vacationers drinks. 

One of the ways they do that is through their onboard drink packages. For cruise guests, it's one way to avoid the hassle of doing math every time you want a drink. And, it's also a great way to avoid the end-of-cruise shock when your bar tab is posted to your stateroom account. But is purchasing a drink package really what you need to do?

Paul Hawthorne/Getty Images
Paul Hawthorne/Getty Images
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If you drink alcohol, hang on, I've got some inside intelligence that might make you stay sober, but first let's talk about coffee. I don't drink booze, but I will go head-on against anybody when it comes to consuming coffee. Many of the cruise ships offer free bad coffee. It's crap. It's worse than concession stand coffee at a high school football game in the fourth quarter.

Realizing that many coffee drinkers are on to them, the cruise lines have added gourmet coffee shops to their sailings. I was just on the Norwegian Prima and they have not one but two Starbucks. They also offer a coffee package that allows unlimited coffee drinks over the life of the cruise. That's a great deal, right? Nope, it's horsepucky.

Honey Fangs via Unsplash.com
Honey Fangs via Unsplash.com
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On Norwegian ships, the coffee package must be purchased by everyone in your stateroom. If you're traveling with your spouse you both have to spend the $150 or so bucks to get the package. I did the math, I would have had to drink 16 large or "Venti" specialty coffees per day just to break even on the package.

The Drink Package Secret the Cruise Lines Don't Talk About

All the major cruise lines offer alcohol packages too. Trust me, they are proud of their crappy cocktails and to someone whose liver has not started to swell up, it might look like a good deal. Chances are you'd die of alcohol poisoning before you "evened up" against the cost of your drink package.

Heleana Yankovska via Unsplash.com
Heleana Yankovska via Unsplash.com
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And yes, some cruise lines do require everyone in the stateroom to purchase the package which doubles the cost if you're traveling with a companion. But that's not the secret I want you to know.

When you first get on board the vessel the cruise line might offer you a deal of "50% Off" the drink package. Sounds like a deal, doesn't it? What they don't tell you is the cost of the drink package varies depending on two factors. One, how long the cruise is scheduled for, and Two, how many other guests have signed up for the package.

Getty Images
Getty Images
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In most cases the shorter the cruise the higher "per day" cost for the package. A four-day jump across the Gulf of Mexico and back will net you the highest cost per day while a longer 11-day cruise will offer a much lower per day cost. But in each case, you don't know how much the package is going to cost until they sell it to you.

Is It Bait and Switch?

Sort of. It's more smoke and mirrors than a predetermined desire to mislead. Ever since the cruise industry came back following the pandemic they've added more and more pay-as-you-go concepts to services that were once included in the price of the cruise.

Royal Caribbean Blog via YouTube
Royal Caribbean Blog via YouTube
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Sure you can eat at the trough, my name for the buffet at the top of the ship or you can dine in the main dining room as well. Both of those restaurants are included in the stateroom price. But the steakhouse, the Italian place, the sushi bar, the Tapas bar, they all cost extra. And since you can't leave the ship in the middle of the ocean to go get a Big Mac, they know they've got you.

Paul Kieu, paulkieu.com
Paul Kieu, paulkieu.com
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Here is where we throw in the disclaimer the policies and prices of drink packages and onboard amenities vary from ship to ship and from cruise line to cruise line. Just do your homework and ask a few questions, that's how you make sure to get the best deal for your travel dollar.

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