Mark Twain once said 'Politicians are like diapers; they need to be changed often and for the same reason.' During this time of turmoil on Capitol Hill as well as our less-than-friendly battle for the Louisiana governor's seat, many would be inclined to agree with the Southern Gentleman from Missouri. This quote started a train of thought in my head which ended up being a very opinionated comparison between politicians and underwear. If senators and congressmen (and yes, presidents) evolved beyond Twain's diaper stage, what underwear would they be?


boxer underwear

The basic boxer would be perfect for the liberal/democrat party. Boxers, by nature use more material than other forms of undergarments, eliciting the thought of 'big government'. Boxers are longer than briefs, covering more, but more loosely than briefs. Everything is free and easy inside boxers. The problem with boxers is that most of them are spread so thin that there's not much 'security', if you catch my drift. Sudden turmoil can create uncomfortable stresses within the area. Then, boxers usually blame the surrounding pants for the troubles.



The briefs, or good old reliable 'tighty whities' would accommodate the conservative/republican party. Initially, there's less material used for the briefs (equating size of government with material usage), and much more restrictive in terms of what the government should and shouldn't control. There have been assertions that conservatives and Republicans are 'uptight', which would fit right in with the briefs mentality.


boxer briefs

The hybrid 'boxer-briefs' would be good for those considered RINOs or Blue Dogs, who tend to find that happy medium between the two political affiliations. The moderates try to take the best of both parties and merge them into one unified garment that provides support, yet more sturdy coverage than either group alone. Boxer-briefs are usually frowned upon by both boxers and briefs, alleging they can't make up their minds and are wishy-washy.

Commando (no photo available)

The Libertarian party would best be equated with 'going commando', as they want government out of their lives altogether.


thong underwear

The final style covered will be the thong, which I equate to our current governmental status. Not very confident in supporting, very uncomfortable to the backside, and an embarrassment to all those forced to view the current state of affairs.

Any way you wear em, it's time to take the congressional laundry to the cleaners, for the same reason as diapers.

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