There are no secrets in this world and your pizza toppings are about to expose who you really are to the rest of the world.

It's true.

What you put on your pie says a lot about the person within. Let's examine some of the most popular pizza topping choices and see if the fortune teller from the hot brick oven is right on target.



Cheese Pizza- You are simplistic by nature. You enjoy things at face value. You are not swayed by fancy additions or sparkly things. In other words you are simple and basic. Your needs are met and your wants are few. You would probably enjoy camping and driving a car without air conditioning. You are a loner because you are boring.


Pepperoni Pizza- They might as well sheer you twice a year and use the wool to make a stocking cap that says "I follow the herd".  If you like pepperoni pizza then one of the two statements is true about you. You enjoy letting society dictate how your life will be lived or you are six years old. I find that first graders are your big pepperoni fans. If you're not in first grade you need to get out more and start thinking for yourself. There are a whole lot of other toppings you need to try.


Meat Lovers- You are a man. Well at least you are a male of the species. Whether or not you are truly a man can't be determined by mere pizza. Choosing a Meat Lovers pizza is a good start to showing the hair on your chest without taking off your shirt. Chances are if you do enjoy Meat Lovers pizzas quite often nobody really wants to see you with your shirt off anyway. So watch for the greasy drip down the front of tank top and keep chewing your carnivore!


Veggie Lovers- You are a woman. You think because you are eating vegetables on a pizza you are being healthy. It's the same mentality as eating fried chicken from Chik-fil-A. It's still fried chicken and it will still make your butt big. Veggie Pizza eaters also tend to be high maintenance and they like to tell everyone around them how to live their life. There is something about the Veggie mentality that creates a holier than thou attitude. Veggie Lover's lovers usually spend a lot of time alone on weekends, if you don't count the 19 cats that share their homes.


Seafood Pizza- You are Catholic. You are aren't you? See, the pizza don't lie! If you enjoy seafood pizza you are very devout in your beliefs. You are racked with guilt daily and you are afraid that you might be doing the wrong things in your life. You will most likely have a meal with your parents sometime this weekend and you know somebody that has a boat. You like your crawfish boiled, your shrimp fried and your friends drunk.


Strange Toppings- You are crying for attention. Your pizza with the pineapple, hot dog meat and cauliflower is simply a cry for help. You know nobody in their right mind is going to want to share that pie with you. It is your quiet, desperate attempt to let others know you are lonely and you are afraid of being alone all your life. However your need to force others to accept your likes and dislikes. You think by eating your nasty pizza it means that you have standards. They are bad standards and they are the reasons so many people laugh at you behind your back. My suggestion, move to the Veggie Pizza, at least then you will have a dozen or so cats to keep you company.


Those are my thoughts on what your pizza says about you. I am a disc jockey and have no scientific background or basis for my opinions. If you'd like to know what real psychologist say about your pizza click here.  If you'd like to dispute any of my claims and  opinions we should get together for a pizza and talk, it will be fun!