What To Do With Louisiana’s New Found Budget Surplus
I guess all this gloom and doom talk of Louisiana going over a fiscal cliff will have to wait until another day. We got money! We, the state of Louisiana, recently announced a budget surplus in excess of $100 million. That means our state legislature, like any ill-advised and misinformed money manager, will be looking for the dumbest ways possible to spend it. Here are some ideas we came up with.
Sure Mr. B, the owner of the Saints, Pelicans, Lafourche Parish, and most of Alabama doesn't need the money. That's why giving him the money makes perfect sense. It keeps up the legislature's tradition of throwing good money away. Mr. B could hire another gimp leg linebacker or intellectually challenged defensive back and still have money left to give Sean Payton a pay increase.
Why would our state need more chalk? We go through quite a bit of chalk outlining where the dead bodies have fallen in New Orleans every week. I figure an extra $100 million would keep the NOPD in deceased outline art supplies through Halloween. No, seriously, New Orleans is a dangerous place these days. If you go, go with a group, preferably a group of Marines.
If the pumps in New Orleans are going to fail every time it rains and places like Lafayette and Lake Charles are very slow to drain after heavy rains we need to do our part. If every citizen of Louisiana was issued an official siphon hose then we could siphon the water out of our towns and over the levees or into the Gulf of Mexico where it belongs. The Legislators could demonstrate the techniques they use to siphon money away from education.
A can of Deep Woods OFF! mosquito and insect repellant runs about $5 at most stores. If we have $100 million that means we can get about 20 million cans of mosquito spray. If we unleashed the hellish fury of 20 million cans of bug spray at once we'd have no mosquito problems. With the Springtime Fresh Scent, we could also cover the odor of Lake Charles when the wind blows from the west.
You're probably thinking, " Two beers and a hot dog for $100 million"? Who would have prices that outrageous? Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the concession area of your Mercedes Benz Superdome. I wonder if the folks at Mercedes knew how many cars they could sell if game day beers and hot dogs didn't cost as much as a car payment.