Tomorrow night we finally get all the practice football behind us, the lockout is a distant memory and what happened last year is blurred like your vision at Cowboys Night Club at 2 am. Tomorrow night its football; Saints football, and it counts. This year the Saints will travel north of I-10 to America’s Derriere (Dairy Air), also known as Wisconsin. Let’s face it Wisconsin has given us some great things. It is the home of Laverne and Shirley, NASCAR legend Dick Trickle and some pretty tasty sausage. After you get past those three things the reasons to appreciate Wisconsin, and Green Bay in particular, fall off drastically. Let me use pictures to illustrate my thoughts of why Green Bay, The Packers and their fans are part of the reason why other countries have been able to gain so much ground on America.



This is a typical Green Bay housewife; you can tell she is married by the two horns on her head and the lack of a beard. It is tradition in Wisconsin that when a woman traps a man into matrimony by unplanned pregnancy that she shaves her beard and grows two horns like the state mascot dairy cow. This woman is obviously a wealthy cheese baron’s wife, you can tell by her prescription eye wear and daintily applied make up. She looks her best after a 12 pack of Heileman’s Old Style beer. She comes from “good breeding stock” and able to use her head horns to keep the cows under control while milking them.



One of the other reasons why Wisconsin and Green Bay have caused such a serious shortfall in American production is constipation. As you can see here this little man really needs some relief. This problem is a direct result of all of that cheese consumption. It is hoped that with advances in smart phone technology that the people of Wisconsin will be able to utilize their “study time” in a better way. However most of them will use this captive learning time to play “Words with Friends” and look up pictures of Brett Favre while they contemplate making some curds for the stew. I hate to be so graphic but reality isn’t pretty when you live in Wisconsin.

Come on? Really? Even the Good Lord wouldn’t allow a real holy man to live anywhere north of I-10. I wonder if any other NFL teams have a fan who dresses up like the Pope. Wait, the Saints do! This is such a rip off and to put Vince Lombardi in such a position of honor? He did what every other successful Green Bay Packer person has done; he got the hell out of Green Bay! Mike Holmgren he’s gone, Brett Favre he’s gone, Vince Lombardi he went to the Washington Redskins before his tragic death. It’s time to let Vince go, they managed to let Bear Bryant be dead at Alabama perhaps Packer fans can take a page out of that book and quit stealing the cool fan costumes from the Saints you cheese eating jerks.


I understand the need to drink especially if you live in Wisconsin. The weather is terrible, the women need darkness to be attractive and with nothing but sausage and cheese to eat you’ve got to include a beverage that will help relieve the pressure on the digestive track. I also realize that sometimes when people get intoxicated they put on funny hats, like these two gentlemen; but wait, what is that they are wearing around their necks? I see another stolen South Louisiana idea. The Mardi Gras beads belong to us and even though they are a great way to hide your many chins you can’t have them. I am not really sure if these guys are going to the game or a Village People Concert; either way you can bet they will be leaving with each other.

This is the real reason why the Saints will soundly defeat the Green Bay Packers in the season opener. As you can see by this picture, Packers QB Aaron Rodgers has really let himself go. In this picture he is seen with a couple of tourist because there are no women in Wisconsin that are that good looking. I think Aaron let the great year he had last year go to his head, he is looking older and he might have packed on a few pounds too. I get the feeling he will be feeling black and blue from the black and gold come early Friday morning.

More From 97.3 The Dawg