Scientists at the University of Tokyo’s Ishikawa Oku Laboratory have developed a robot that will never lose a game of rock, paper, scissors. Makers of the Janken robot (janken is the Japanese word for the game) timed the robot’s response so that the winning move is made one millisecond after the doomed human opponent chooses their object, ensuring demoralizing defeat. Watch:

Sheesh. Resistance is futile.

Researchers claim that the breakthrough technology brings us one step closer to developing robots that will move in conjunction with humans, thus making us even lazier, fatter, and probably dumber.

While wondering where this robot invasion is going to take us, we do know if we had the wherewithal to build a robot (and we might; you don’t know us!), we certainly wouldn’t waste this technology on children’s games (unless it’s dodge ball). We’d probably build a robot that could simultaneously massage feet, act out our favorite scenes from ‘Happy Gilmore’, and brew beer out of whatever expired products are camping in our fridge.

We should think about formally introducing these scientists to the people who are developing the hooker robots. Together they might be able to create something we could really get behind.


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