One of my favorite shopping websites is a place called Shut Up and Take My Money. It's a site that offers unique items for the shopper with a sense of humor, adventure and whimsy. In other words it is perfect for a warped minded, left handed, slightly obtuse thinker such as myself. I was popping by the site today and discovered they have their Halloween goodies available for the savvy shopper. Here were a  couple of my favorites but don't limit yourself to my tastes they have cool stuff for every occasion, even the occasions that  you didn't know existed.


    Banana Costume For Men

    If Halloween is your night to score with the ladies then fellows this is the costume for you. It lends itself to innuendo and misappropriate comments from everyone that you will come in contact with. In reality anyone that would wear this kind of costume has the same physical issues as most monster truck owners. So if you're already attached to a lady that makes a great Donkey Kong then you've got a winner. If you're single and hoping to find a friend to help you peel that off for treats and tricks at bedtime, I am thinking you'll probably be handling your coconuts alone.


    Bruce Jenner Mask

    Shut up and Take My Money calls this mask a Goonies sloth mask. I know they have named it that just to avoid any copyright issues . This is really a Bruce Jenner mask. Doesn't it look just like the former athlete now turned reality star? Sure the dental work is not spot on but the facial features and the unmistakable plastic surgery tell me that is the face of a gold medal winner. You could go to Halloween fun with an older Kardashian looking lady and be the perfect pair. Since they just recently split up you wouldn't even have to hang out with her at the Halloween party.


    My First Shaving Towel

    Here is the perfect accessory for the washroom at your Halloween gathering. It's a hand towel with bloody hand prints already on it. This novelty piece will help convince your guests that the rest of the blood spattered about your place is fake too. Never mind that no one has seen that bossy roommate of yours for a few weeks. No one will ever suspect a thing. They will just think your are over the top when it comes to celebrating the horror of the season. I wouldn't recommend this particular item be kept in the same cabinet as feminine hygiene supplies, this would only lead to some serious misunderstanding.


    Pet Costumes

    Halloween would not be complete if you didn't get the chance to piss off your best friend too. Never mind that your dog will be completely freaked out by the constant ringing of the door bell. He probably won't care that there are strange creatures walking around in his very private space. Why not add to his complete and total confusion by dressing him up in clothes he can't comprehend. Dogs love to be screwed with like that. This way you won't have to spring for any fake blood because Fido will be drawing plenty of the real stuff with every hand that reaches down to pet his miserable head at your Halloween celebration.


    Maria Shriver Mask

    Here is another product that I believe the Shut up and Take My Money folks have intentionally mislabeled to avoid lawsuits. They call this a Mr. Grimm mask and they say it is from Ghostrider. I know better. This is a Maria Shriver mask. Put this baby on and people will swear your husband was a former Governor of California that had sex with his Mexican maid. Whether you're on the go chasing down alimony checks from Arnold or on the set of The View swapping recipes with Whoopi this is the mask that every woman wants. Nobody going to say you look fat with those kinds of facial features.