The 5 Trick-Or-Treaters We All Don’t Want To See
Friday night an age old tradition will unfold right before my eyes in the shadows of my porch light. The annual begging for candy event known as Halloween night. It's a night for mischief, fun, candy, and dressing up. I like Halloween. I'm not fanatical about it like some people are but it's fun because for the most part, kids get to have fun.
That being said, there are some trick-or-treaters that I simply can't stand. These are the candy beggars that give begging for candy a bad name. Let's see if you share the same feelings that I have for these five folks that can't even get something as simple and fun as getting free candy right.
The doorbell rings, I answer it with enthusiasm to the sound of crickets. In case you didn't know the proper Halloween procedures call for an enthusiastic Trick-Or-Treat being shouted the moment the door is open. This standing there quietly with a bag out reminds me too much of the government. I can't stand to see anything that scary in the dark.
You're supposed to put on a costume to go out for candy on Halloween night. A hoodie and sweat pants are not a costume. Okay if you're dressing as an ass-hat then I guess you qualify. At least purchase a mask or get a ski mask from your Uncle who is in prison. You could go as his future cellmate. At least that way I know you earned your Snickers bar.
I know as a youngster you think my feeble old mind won't remember you from 30 minutes ago. Who wouldn't remember the guy who had to explain to me what his costume was. Not everybody dressed up as a poorly colored yellow cardboard box that you said was Spongebob Squarepants. Just how many fun size Snickers do you need? I can understand double dipping if I had better candy but you're just being greedy.
The door has been opened, trick-or-treat was said, candy was dropped, thank you was said, that's it our Halloween transaction is over. I fulfilled my obligation, you fulfilled yours we have a signed, sealed, and delivered deal but no, you stand there with your bag out. It's like you're saying I didn't pay you enough candy for your efforts. You're wrong in that assumption. I have the bowl, I control the candy, you need to leave and leave now before I let my dog loose.
I understand that 5th grade was tough. I get it that you struggled in 6th grade. But just because your classmates are trick-or-treating doesn't mean you and your five o'clock shadow need to be asking for candy. If you are old enough to drive, get into R rated movies, or can buy beer then you're too old for Halloween celebrations of this kind. Go shave, get a job, and do something with your life, there are no free rides.