Weird Questions That Have Bothered Bruce For Years
The human mind is amazing. Think of all of the things that you see around you, a good number of them were created by somebody’s brain. That computer you’re using, that radio you listen to, that microwave you are using to create breakfast, all came from electric signals that bounced around a human brain. If we can figure out all of those neat things, then how come there seems to be no real answers to these questions that have troubled me for years.
1. How do they know the new and improved dog food is REALLY better tasting? We have a dog, he eats just about anything you throw in his general direction and I don’t think taste is really an issue with him. This is a creature that spends a lot of time licking his own butt. How would he or any dog even have a clue as to what taste good? That brings us to another question about dog food. “The flavors dogs naturally crave” is often used to sell us this over priced dry mix of non-winners from Evangeline Downs. They tell me dogs crave, beef, chicken, liver, lamb, and jelly donuts. I have never seen a dog race across a pasture and take down a cow or a sheep. They will kill chickens and unless you know how to cook it, liver is off the table at our house anyway. Jelly donuts, I once had a dog that ate a dozen of them in less that five minutes. He puked a lot that afternoon.
2. Why are the numbers on the telephone reversed from the way they are placed on a calculator or computer number pad? If you look at the phone, the top row of numbers is 1,2,3 yet on a calculator or computer keyboard the top row is 7,8,9. Why is that? Is this some sort of nerd practical joke? I think it is part of a vast conspiracy amongst techno terrorist to get us to slowly but surely pull our hair out every time we have to key in numbers or make a call. There has to be a valid reason for this? Yet no one I know will reveal the secret. Is this part of some secret society like the Skull and Bones, The Shriners or The Dave Baker Fan club?
3.What does OK really mean? I know it’s an abbreviation for Oklahoma but I lived there once and it wasn’t OK at all. I understand a lot of words we have are acronyms like Scuba, Radar and Snafu. But what could “OK” stand for? There are limited words that start with “O” and not so many that begin with “K” and what among those words that start with those letters mean everything is alright? Maybe it takes its origin from the Greek alphabet, that would be Omicron Kappa. It couldn’t be OmicronKappa I had a friend who was a member of that group and was nowhere near OK at all.
4.How do you throw out a garbage can? I have tried this on many occasions and the old broken down piece of plastic remains at the end of my driveway. I even tried putting my old broken garbage can inside my new fancy garbage can, they were both left sitting side by side when I returned home after the trash truck had run its route. I tried putting a sign on the old can that read TRASH. It didn’t work either. I finally got somebody to haul it away for me when I changed the sign to read FOR SALE, then it was stolen.
5. Is this total OK? If you shop with a debit card you will see this question at almost every store. When you swipe the card and put in your pin there are usually two stupid questions that follow. Do you want cash back?, that makes sense to me and this question. “Is This Total OK?”. How the hell do I know? I think it is. The lady that scanned all the stuff seems to be honest and hard working. I don’t think she is trying to steal from me. If you’re asking would I like it to be lower, well yeah I would. They never change it when you tell them that. They just ask you to take your receipt and leave.
6.Would you like your milk in a bag? You get this at the store when you purchase milk in the gallon jug. What do you say? You probably say “no that’s fine”. You want to know what I say? I always answer with this question and if we all start saying it then people will quit asking. When they ask “Would you like your milk in a bag” say, “Can’t I just keep it in the jug?” You will get quite a few blank stares and maybe even a smile. I prefer the smile.