The Pungent Poopers Guide To Offsetting The Odors
Everyone poops. It's a popular children's toilet training book and also a statement of fact. While it's not polite dinner conversation it does bear discussing since we've all had to "create some room" at places where we don't want our unique scent to offend.
There are several different methods to mask the smell of your body bomb. I find these ideas to be most helpful in the event that you need to go #2 at a friends house, a fancy restaurant, or in a display model of toilets set up at your local hardware store.
Some of these methods are tried and true, others just mask the smell of yesterdays corn by creating a sickly sweet mixture of spring flowers rolled in rotting wildebeest. So what can you do to evacuate your basement without having to evacuate the home or business you happen to be utilizing?
The Courtesy Flush: Basically the courtesy flush works on the same premise of the five second rule when dropping food. You're just dropping something else. If you flush the toilet every time you hear a splash you can eliminate a considerable amount of the offending odor. Remember to remain seated during this courtesy flush. The hermetic seal between your buttocks and the toilet seat will help to trap the unkind air beneath you where it is eventually sucked out during the flush process.
Lighting A Match: The smell of a burning match is very unique and very powerful. The problem is that the aroma of ignition only lasts a short time. I find that using the match alone is not good enough for a growing boy if you know what I mean. If you combine the courtesy flush with the striking of a few matches you might be on to something. The trouble is that most of us don't carry matches on our person. Most hosts and public restrooms don't have matches either.
A Sink Full Of Soapy Water: Today's modern soft soaps do wonders for cleaning the germs off of our hands. They also come in some very strong scents that don't just blend with the aroma of your flatulent fragrance, they will actually cover it up. If there is no hand soap in the guest bathroom find some shampoo to mix in the sink full of water. This will cover and kill most butt cologne as well.
The bottom line, no pun intended, is that we are embarrassed by what our body does sometimes. We shouldn't be but we are. There are ways to ease the embarrassment without having to hold it until you get home or making an even more treacherous journey into gas station bathroom. I hope these ideas will help you learn to poop like a secret agent and leave no trail of your tail.