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Bruce’s 5 Good Reasons To Really Love Your Beer Belly

The beer belly, the beer gut; it’s been joked about, and sung about, and ridiculed by those who pose washboard stomachs. If you are the proud possessor of one of nature’s greatest creations, fret not my friend. You are about to have all the ammunition you need to get the last laugh. Here are my 5 good reasons to love your beer belly.

Flickr user: Neil T
Flickr user: Neil T

Playing Survivor in the Bathtub


If your kids have action figures hanging out around the tub, then you know you like to play with them while you’re enjoying a post six pack soak. Why not pass the time by creating your own hairy version of Survivor? With that bulging belly of yours, it takes no effort to create an island in the hair filled waters of the bathtub sea. If your gut is big enough you can put several action figures on the island at once and then vote them off at your leisure. Having a beer belly can make bath time fun.


No Need for TV Trays


Think of the beer belly as nature’s tray table. If yours is cultivated and contoured in the correct shape, it is possible to stack a plate of nachos and an ice-cold beer on it at the same time. There’s no need to dust off those wobbly trays when the game comes on, you’ve got yours already built in. If you put beans in the nachos there’s a good chance the inner vibrations will always keep your drink stirred too.

Flickr user mikebaird
Flickr user mikebaird

Save on Sun Screen


The beer belly is not only a luxury food holding device; it’s also nature’s way of protecting the important parts of your body from too much sun. Get your mind out of the gutter; there are no nude beaches around here. I am talking about protecting your feet. Have you ever gotten sunburn on the top of your feet? It is one of the most painful burns you will ever have. If you are blessed with having a beer belly then you are providing instant shade as well as total UV protection for your tender tootsies.


You Get Sympathy from Pregnant Women


There is an instant bond between the woman with the glow, impending motherhood, and the man who has made Milwaukee famous. Oh the common ground you will share! You can discuss how difficult it is to find pants that fit right and how hard it is to use a public restroom stall. There will be discussions of swollen ankles and all that pressure on one’s bladder. Who knows if your beer belly is big enough, they might throw you a shower and pass around really cool gifts for your new arrival. No wait, that’s gross never mind.

flickr user Universitetssykehuset Nord-Norge (UNN)
flickr user Universitetssykehuset Nord-Norge (UNN)

You Get to Meet Cool Cardiologist and Attractive Nurses


Having a beer gut usually means at sometime in your shortened life you are going to be on a first name basis with a heart specialist. These men and women of medicine are a good group to know. Granted the people in the cardiac field will throw some wild ideas about losing weight and quitting drinking in your direction, but they don’t mean it. If you did all that then you wouldn’t have a reason to sit in their offices and stare at their very attractive nurses. Just think of all the lovely ladies you’ll get to meet once your chest has been shaved and you’ve got all those wires hooked up to you. What woman could resist a package like that one.


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