Last weekend, police in Florida arrested Bradley Pope after he claimed to be a “covert CIA agent”who had just killed off 100 beers.

According to the arrest report, police were called because someone found Pope and his lady friend swimming naked in their pool. By the time officers arrived, the two had not only desecrated the caller’s pool, but also stolen their truck.

When the two were finally apprehended, Pope was clearly intoxicated, according to the report. Although at first the man told police that he wasn’t drunk, later when he was asked how much he had to drink, Pope said that he had slammed down 100 beers. He must have picked up the brand new Coors Light 100 pack.

The report also claims that Pope revealed to police that he was a covert CIA agent who not only lived in Costa Rica, but also had a home in a luxury hotel in Palm Beach, and would soon be the president of the United States. Those are high aspirations for a man that drunk. When we’re hammered our life goal is to not vomit on our laps in the middle of an Arby’s.

After refusing to take a field sobriety test, Pope was taken into custody and charged with a DUI.

When officers told Pope that if he didn’t take a sobriety test his license could be suspended for at least a year, Pope told them that he didn’t care because “he didn’t have a car anyway.”

Incidentally, police did not charge the man with stealing the truck after finding out that the owner often allows him to use it. Usually just to run to the store for a fresh 100 pack.

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